On the path of my self-awareness journey

Proud to become a PCC and yet I still feel a little shame and guilty to announce it to others.

 Why is that?

I realized that every time I overcome myself and got a new success

I preferred to hide it,

Keep it quiet,

Or share in a very discreet manner to try to get less attention. This is a default mode I have had which I did not realize and question for a long time.

On top of that even when I shared this success or good news, I realized I was feeling shy, shame and guilty of sharing my it openly.

Why do I feel this way I ask myself?

Here comes a conditioned thought.

“To keep the evil eyes away keep quite!”

“Keep a low profile so no one notices how happy and successful you are then you will be protected from the evil eyes around you.” Evil eye belief might be a true concept however, there are other ways to protect yourself from the evil eyes rather than not sharing and keeping everything under the radar.

The evil eye is not the sole reason!

I was brought up in an environment where I was told that being proud of yourself and your achievements, plus talking about them is not polite and not acceptable for a well-educated human being. Also, I was told that not showing your emotions about your successes will make you a humble person.

Today I know that this perception is a total nonsense in my reality.

Being humble is not about hiding your feelings about your achievements and successes, it about showing your happiness and excitements about others’ success and achievements as well as yours.

We say that what we pay attention out grows.

So why don’t we pay attention to everyone’s success and achievements more than our and their failures and mistakes with open hearts.

Why don’t we be proud of even the smallest, good things we can achieve every day? And share it with joy with the people around us. And be happy for us and for other as well.

Another self-awareness I had that there was a part in me who wanted to be applause, who wanted to get attention, compliments and who was looking for external recognition so badly for getting this title.

 So here comes another transparent sharing.

“After having so many trainings and being in this self-awareness journey for such a long time how could I still seek for the external recognition, oh my god! This is not ok for a coach, mindfulness trainer, meditation facilitator!” Said a voice in me, shaming me again and again.

I immediately felt ashamed and guilty for wanting this external attention and recognition. Thus, this was a real form of energy in me which I knew I should not ignore. So, I welcomed it as always but differently this time I decided to openly express and share it.

External recognition and attention are great, it is one of the most pleasurable things that satisfy me and most humans I know. It helps my system to pump some dopamine and serotonin naturally. So, it is healthy and needed by the system. However, the trick is not to get addicted to it, which happens when I experience it with no awareness. Holding on to that need, to the titles and to all the conditions that come with it is the trap humans, I fall into and create more pain in life. Knowing, remembering, admitting makes me feel freer. Thus, I allow myself to feel it, I accept myself here and now and this makes me feel free of the burden of hiding and feeling guilty of my successes and good sides which I was educated to hide for years.

To be honest this is a lighter and more fun state of being….

Do you wanna try?

I love recognition

I love external attention

I love titles

I love my achievements

I love to share it with others

I love to be happy, proud for having them

I love to be happy about other’s achievements and happinesses.

And I also remind myself that everything is impermanence,

I don’t need them to define myself or others,

I don’t need to hold on to them forever,

And yet I can still enjoy and use them to express myself as a mean temporarily, as long as they serve me.

Perceiving life in this way makes me feel lighter and freer

Thus happier….

One last but not least point,

Above are the basic human needs and feelings we all experience from time to time.

It is no crime!

No matter how deep we keep suppressing them and how much we want to hide or get rid of them,

They will keep coming back.

The harder we push the more they will pop up in an unexpected moment in time and place.

AWARENESS is the sole key to walk the path and it is your authentic path!

So, I am congratulating myself not only because of my achievements but also for being honest to myself and for accepting and seeing myself as I am as much as I can. This is my practice, this is my journey, this is what I love to do every day.

And this is what I call integrity.

Accepting the bad, ugly and the mistakes and sharing it with open heart,

As well as the good, the beautiful and the successes with open heart.

Which one do you think is easier to accept and to share?

The good or the bad?

The accepted or unaccepted?

The ugly or the beautiful?

Feeling grateful to experience here and now and to share my heart with you openly….

 With love and empathy….